AM I LOST?????ANYONE CAN TELL ME???

Nearly 4 month....i stay in KL ...a all new place for me... i taught i need time to suit myself...but found it wasn't an easy task for me to do it......I try to improve my languages.....i learnt a lot Cantonese as well as English.....but i found that i had seriously lost myself on self-confident....i really need and WANT my self-confident back!!!!CRITICISE for me is a good thing...but over criticise for me is a nightmare......I just cannot found a road for me to walk through the criticising and turn over again a all new me!!!!!I try to change myself....i found i change a lot...until i dunno who i m !!!i am so evil...so scary.......seriously...I am so week...come to KL i cried 4 times....for me...may be cry for me can release my tension..just like a girl did....cannot be define i am girlish....no need any proven...but it feel much more better for me....4 month i still cannot suit myself i am so lousy...pariah...sometime i rather prefer everyone just leave me alone here.....i felt so complicated ...I just can't follow what actually i had planned....haiz....anyway i change a lot I HATE MYSELF NOW!!!!